I had just pulled into my driveway when I received the call from my mom’s nurse: “She’s gone”. I immediately fell to my knees in disbelief, sobbing alone in the driveway for what seemed like forever. My husband came outside, picked me up, held me tight and let me cry. I knew this moment would come but I thought she could beat the cancer. She was a fighter and didn’t give up, she encouraged others before herself and I had never even imagined a world without her in it, until that moment.
Nothing can prepare you for the amount of pain you feel at that moment and years to come. You keep holding your breath, hoping it goes away. You keep blinking your eyes hoping it’s a dream. Suddenly you are living an entirely different life, fear sets in, your heart races, suddenly you’re numb and the thought goes through your head “My life will never be the same without my mom”.
I’m a closed person. I keep the pain to myself. I hide the tears and heartache. I assure everyone that I’m okay, but deep down I’m confused, empty and I’m lost without her. Each day I’m reminded of my mother in small memories; it could be a song on the radio, a “CSI” marathon on TV or the sweet smell of racing fuel (we were a racing family). There’s always one day in particular I’m reminded of her the most: Mother’s Day, the day when I feel “Motherless”.
As time has passed, I’ve learned to cope with all the emotions that come with being motherless on Mother’s day. There is no amount of time could fully heal a wound so deep. But there is one thing that helps me through each day, each event, each moment that I wish my mom was there, each time I wish I could just hear her voice…. I find my strength in God’s Word, the Scripture.
The Lord’s strength will heal you in more ways than you could ever imagine. It transforms your fear into assurance, your grief into serenity and hopelessness into promises.
One of my deepest regrets is that because I was so blindsided, I didn’t know our last conversation would be just that: our last. No one is guaranteed another day, so please, remember to make it count spend those last few extra moments on the phone with her; spend the day with her; listen to her music because you know it makes her happy. If you mom has passed, remember she has a front row seat to your life and know she wouldn’t dare miss even the slightest instance of it. Rejoice in her life, her light and your fondest memories of her.
My mom gave me more strength than most could ever ask for in a lifetime. She made me a better person. I love her so much, and I look forward to the day I can see her smile and hear her laugh again in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.
One verse that I constantly leaned on when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and continue to repeat it day after day~ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
PS~ THANK YOU to our volunteers who gave their precious time during Sharathon. Thank you to our hundreds of listeners who financially support WBFJ throughout the year. You help make the ministry of WBFJ possible. Thank you to those who wanted to do more but couldn’t. We appreciate your desire to help and know you will take the opportunity to support WBFJ when you can. Your prayer support for WBFJ is vital to our success. We believe God will take care of the needs of the station and yours, when we walk together in prayer.
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